the behavior you incentivize is the behavior you get

Joe Reed's (previously mentioned Marine) favorite quote and so true...

Now that I know it is related to dog training, I'm a little offended...yet so grateful to have an honest friend who always reminds me that my goal (even though I have no clue what I want or need) should always be the end in mind.  This phrase however, has rung true in so many ways today.

Rewarding behavior-the most prominent examples are rewarding bad behavior.

Think about it from the teacher-student relationship:
If you laugh at a student's inappropriate response to a question, they will think it's ok. 
Ex: "What does bivariate data mean? Hint look at Bi"  "Swings both ways?" "funny, but no." You will never be able to talk about bivariate data again. believe me, I know.

Or from a boss-employee relationship:
The boss that does not have authority over their employee will never see the results they want from their work/ers. 
Ex: "I need this by tomorrow morning." "I can't" "ok." You will never get anything done on time.

Or from a parent-child relationship:
We've all witnessed the child throwing the tantrum in the store only to get candy from their parents. 

Significant other relationship:
There are two sides for this one, and while I try to avoid over-generalization, there will be some, gross amounts actually.
A girl who feels let down by a guy, yet constantly tries to get his attention.  She will only continue to be let down, while he will still be "the man".
Ever seen the guy carrying his girl's purse with his manhood inside?  I don't need to say more. 

While I can come up with a million examples where the trend is as above...I often fail to see where the reverse is true.  Where do you see good behavior incentivized?

It's one of the constant struggles for a teacher-praising the child who does well all the time. We are taught to praise the "problem child" when they do well so they can learn the "right way" to do things, yet for the students who are already doing right, we forget they need praise too.

Same can be said for employees, the ones that do their job, or others' job, are often not recognized.  I see this in education a lot because you want to do what's best for the group, there are always those people that just make sure what needs to get done, does, no matter the situation and rarely receive the credit.  After hearing 6 marines talk about their jobs this weekend and how it sounded like 6 teachers talking about theirs, just with a whole lot more cussing, I imagine this holds true for most professions. 

What about the parent-child relationship?  Ever seen one sibling go totally goth just trying to get attention because their sibling throws temper tantrums? yeah, nuf said.

Then we're back to significant others.  I think it's funny that most relationships, outsiders have negative views towards.  "They are so not good for each other" "He is whipped" "She has no idea he is leading her on".  However we all have such a desire to be in one, no one cares that we are feeding bad behavior.  How do you incentivize "good behavior"

Where is behavior good, or just what should be done?  Where is the line between praising mediocrity and recognizing good work.  If a student does their homework should we give them candy, or are they expected to do so?  If an employee shows up to work everyday for a month, do they get a goodie bag (speaking from experience) or is that just what they are supposed to do?  Your child never cusses like other 12 year olds, do you raise their allowance, or do you not mention it?  What are appropriate incentives?  Is praise enough or do we need things?  Is attention praise or a thing? 

"Rewards or punishments create doubt about the true motive for which good deeds are performed"-Benabou and Tirole

Want a better, more well versed reading?  Read this blog-wish I had before I wrote all this...

I had a teacher apologize to me in front of her class because she brought candy for the winners of a game she was about to play.  I agree that candy is not the best reward for students working, however, a prize for a game is appropriate.  Whats the prize in a relationship though?  What can we give to our employees, children or love interests?  Obviously I don't know the answer to any of this...look at my track record....better yet, don't, I would like to receive some positive reinforcement at some point in my life again. When I deserve it.